In my life – be lifted high. In our world – be lifted high. In our love – be lifted high.

If the truest cry of our hearts is to “be where You are”, why do we often find ourselves so far away from that place? Is it because we aren’t ready to accept all the responsibilities of what being there would actually bring? Is it because we are lazy? Are we on the precipice of major life change through Christ but are refusing to do that one thing that will push us further? Are we under spiritual attack that we aren’t praying fervently enough against to break free? Why do we think that being where You are, is where we decide that place to be? Why is it so easy to be distracted and neglectful of what we are given?

Why is closeness with God sometimes the hardest and furthest distance one will ever have to travel to reach?

“Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away. For if the word spoken through angels proved steadfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just reward, how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation, which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed to us by those who heard Him.”          – Hebrews 2:1-3

All the questions above were questions I had been asking myself for the past 3 weeks. They were all the things that were constantly running through my mind. “Ok Lord, I’m in Korea. I’m here because I know that you sent me, but now I feel further from you than I have in an entire year. Uhhhh, can you hurry up and get all close to me again….please?” Desperately I tried to figure out why I couldn’t feel God as close to me and hear His voice as easily as I could back home. The answer to each one of those questions that I asked myself was a resounding “yes”. Yes, I was afraid to accept all the responsibilities He wants to give me. Yes, I am lazy. Yes, I have been refusing to do the one thing that will change my circumstance because of fear. Yes, I’m under attack and often find myself too distracted to deal with the attack properly.  And yes, for some idiotic reason I believe that God should be where I determine Him to be. Ok, there you go-I’m a sinner. Can you believe my God loves me through all of this? Satan had achieved his goal of keeping me from the growth Christ has waiting. Yet, through all of my rebellion and excuses I have been able to grow, and in turn become stronger and redefined my relationship Him. I would even go so far as to say that because of my rebellion I have learned so much more about myself and actually gained the closeness I so desperately desired from the beginning-but it came through self revelation of the A-typical things Christians do that causes distance from the Lord. How often do we think to ourselves, “Ok I want to be closer to You God, so get closer to me!”, and then we continue our daily lives pushing all the things that we should do out of our minds and wait for God to do all the work.

Don’t get me wrong. I was maintaining my prayer life, reading my Bible and trying desperately to find likeminded people here that I could fellowship with about the things of God. Still there was uncomfortable distance between He and I. God wanted more from me. Can you believe that my God was sending me to a foreign country all alone to study and further His Kingdom, and then just decides to leave me when I need Him the most? Well He didn’t; just the opposite, actually. He put me where I would be the most vulnerable so that I would go deeper; where I would need Him to survive. He allowed things to happen to me that would make or break me. I suffered with a physical infection, spiritual depravation, mental stagnation, emotional devastation, financial ruin and tremendous feelings of loneliness. I thought the attack I was under before I left for Korea was strong, well it couldn’t hold a candle to what I went through over the past 3 weeks. But you know what? Empancipation! You better believe that I’m still standing friend. I’ve reflected back on all of my shortcomings and lack, broke free of the spiritual attack, respected the experience and am moving on. My God has picked me up, dusted me off and put me back in the battle. I’m here and I’m not leaving until my God has gotten all the glory that He intended to get by sending me here. I had to go through the wilderness to appreciate His grace and mercy. MY GOD IS SO AWESOME I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF. [Worshipping my way through adversity, as my dad would say.]

I’ll be kicking off my mission restart by teaching English to orphans weekly starting this week, followed by leading a weekly evening women’s Bible study here on my university campus entitled “Radical Restart”, and will be helping to lead worship at the church home I have found here in Christian International Church.  Look out Satan. You may have managed to keep me down for 3 weeks, but this girl is standing back up and all of heaven is coming with here. I dare you to try to stop me.

The same POWER that conquered the grave lives in ME. YOUR love that rescued the earth lives in ME.  

Can I get an amen?