Standing at the precipice of the greatest transformation I will ever undergo is daunting. Birth and motherhood. Nearing the end of pregnancy I see myself edging ever closer to a bridge; the bridge between who I’ve been and who I am destined to become. In a couple of months I will find myself in a series of hours or days where I am walking across that bridge until the final moments of pushing and releasing bring me to the other side and into the new woman I am as a mother.

You do the best you can to prepare for this transformation but in the end, the deep waterfalls within you cry out with the understanding that the best preparation you can do is yield. Pregnancy has taught me more about yielding than nearly anything in life has up to this point. I feel we are so underinformed in western culture to the spiritual and psychological shift, let alone the physiological shifts that happen during the ten months of growing a baby. It is the holiest experience I could ever hope to know, apart from what I imagine the birth experience and motherhood itself to be.

If you will allow pregnancy to have its way in the season of your life that it finds you, it has many revelations to share. I have learned that weakness really is strength. That resting builds and protects. That sensitivity is a superpower. That I am truly able to love someone more than myself. That God is obsessed with healthy family. That sickness teaches. That love creates life. That I’ve never been more vulnerable. That intuition is Holy Spirit and guides so confidently if we’ll listen. That protecting your family starts in pregnancy. That your body is intelligent beyond comprehension. That every part of you stretches; mind, body, soul, and spirit. That women are inconceivably more powerful than the world understands. That needing is power. That pregnancy is sacrifice. That men are never stronger than when they gently care for their wife. That I partake in the divine nature of God to be a giver of life. That it is both natural and supernatural. That above all, pregnancy is holy, sacred, consecrated.

Our society doesn’t seem to get it. Our world doesn’t seem to get it. Thousands of pregnant women exist around us at any given time and the world barely accommodates or reverences the ineffable sacrifice and beauty of their journey. Women sit in quiet solitude and ponder the divine road they walk, unseen by most, but reveling in the truth that through pregnancy they join an unbroken line of women thousands of years long who shared in this unutterable transformation and gave birth to the world. It is a high honor to be counted among the mothers. What an honor, indeed.

As I do my best to prepare for birth, the classes I take, births I watch, and books I read all seem to whisper the same words to me: yield, soften, release, let go, break, open, die. The wisdom of midwives says that birth brings you to the point of no return, the point where you break so completely that there is no going back to who you were. You transition from woman to mother.

It is interesting that the process of labor begins (usually) slowly and tolerably in early labor, where a woman can speak, do, and even sleep through her contractions. She feels excitement and anticipation for what is to come. Her cervix is softening and beginning the steps to release baby. Gradually things become more and more intense in active labor, where she now needs to move her body, often changing positions, vocalizing and make primal, guttural sounds to get through contractions, being no longer able to speak through them. The body is opening as she dilates. The pain and pressure focus her entirely, eventually bringing her to her knees.

Then comes transition. “Transition” is the actual term given for the time between active labor and the urge to push baby into the world. What a word, transition. It is in this time a woman may shake uncontrollably, or her body may relax and give her time to rebuild her energy for the last and hardest part of labor, or her mind may become her battlefield trying to convince her that she can’t go on. But for this brief period she dangles in between all that she’s known and the complete unknown. Then, suddenly the ejection reflex kicks in and she feels the urge to bear down and push; the final lap begins. Push by powerful and releasing push, baby travels out of the womb, down the birth canal and the head crowns as momma enters a period known as the “ring of fire” . Her body is stretching to release the tiny human who has found refuge within her for so long. Isn’t it interesting that the final step of the process into motherhood is called the ring of fire? We cross through the fire in a powerfully explosive final act of surrender as we receive our child and the mantel of mother.

What a miracle. What deep wisdom.

How can we not see the handiwork of God and spiritual mysteries locked up for us within these holy and divine moments? We soften, open, cry out on our hands and knees, surrender, yield to wave after wave of pressure, stretch, push through fire, and release as new life comes forward. It is so much more than a pain-filled obligation to be suffered through and gotten over with. It is gospel. I believe there are secrets God only shares with the brave women willing to surrender to this transformation and seek Him through it. I have never felt more confident that He will be with me in that birthing suite, guiding myself, my husband, and my baby into new identities in Him. He is near to pregnant women. He is near to mothers.

I stand at the edge of that bridge, faintly making out glimpses of the life I will have once I’ve crossed to the other side. It thrills me, scares me, excites my imagination, fuels my momma bear, makes me swoon for my husband, overwhelms me, and sends me running into the arms of my loving Father. Society doesn’t guide me into motherhood, but rather the One who created this hallowed role. I will fear no evil. His rod and His staff shall comfort me.

I will savor these last days of just Nick and I and remain in the hidden place of pondering, in awe of what is to come. If you have any beautiful words of wisdom to share, please do so in the comments.

-Rachel